A student regrets coming home with her report card, afraid her parents will ground her for her single B+. An athlete cringes at the news that he has made the JV team, not because he isn't happy with his team, but because he knows his parents are going to be mad because their son won't be the star athlete his freshman year.

Often in sports and academics, teens find themselves being pushed by their parents to excel to the parent's high standards. Sometimes this pushing comes through constant nagging and other times it reveals itself through consequences for unsatisfactory performances.

Parents find themselves teetering over a fine line between too much pushing and not enough. "If we push them (kids) to perform well, and they do, that is good. If it results in stress and unhappiness, it has gone too far," said teacher, coach and parent Tim Kindle. Coach and teacher Mike Schaefer agreed. "It's hard for parents to be involved but not be overbearing or to be involved but not too involved," he said.

Parents may not realize that they have crossed this fine line. "Jane," whose name has been changed in this story, feels that she is heavily pushed by her father, but he isn't aware of it. "He cares so much, I don't know if he thinks he is helping me, obviously he must," she said. "I appreciate the fact that he cares so much, but he needs to back off. It is my life and not his; he needs to go about it in a different way...[The pushing I get] is constant nagging and talking about sports, and if I perform bad, yelling."

Like Jane, most students want their parents involved in their life, but few want them controlling it. "I think parents need to support their son/daughter in what they want to do, no matter what the parents think," said school counselor Denny Daniels. This kind of support is very helpful, but isn't quite as overpowering.

Senior Bryan Erickson feels that his parents push him hard, but they don't make him do anything he doesn't want to. "If I make a decision they make me follow through with it. They remind me of my own personal goals," he said.

Often, students feel extreme stress as a result of too much pushing. This can result in a lost interest for a sport, or a decline in academic performance. "Students react [to too much pushing] by rebelling. Another indication [of too much pushing] is when kids say, ÔI don't want to try out for a sport or take that class,'" said Kindle.

On the other hand, not enough pushing may result in apathy toward schoolwork and sports. "If they didn't push me, I wouldn't do sports or anything, I would be lazy," said "Oscar," another student whose name has been changed. Parental pushing is often the most powerful motivation a teen has to become involved in sports and excel in academics.

Students will often perform better with parental support, even if the support is overbearing. "It seems like students and athletes whose parents are involved do better," said Daniels.

"Students need to realize why their parents are pushing them or why they are not involved," said Schaefer.

"I want him to push me; I think it is good, but I wish he encouraged me more," said Jane. Oscar also likes encouragement, but sees the advantages in strong parental support. "My parents push me hard, but I see that I am succeeding, and I realize that I am doing better than people whose parents don't push them. I get sick of it [their pushing], but the success makes it worthwhile."

"The important part of encouragement is realistic expectations. Some parents should push their kids to be the best on the team, while others should encourage them to merely make the team...It is one thing to push students to be as good as they can be, it is another thing to push kids to be the best the parents want them to be...We [adults] need to make sure that kids realize their potential in sports, academics, and music," said Kindle.

Junior Todd Mittge doesn't feel that his parents have completely realistic goals for him. "My parents expect me to do better than I am able. They expect me to understand things I can't," he said.

Jane says she knows she has potential. "He wouldn't push me if he knew I didn't have potential, but if you want to be good, it needs to come from yourself, not from someone else," she said. Erickson agrees that motivation should come from yourself, but also feels that strong parental support is helpful.

"Parents should push their kids to do well in school. To do their homework, seek knowledge, and not be obsessive about grades," said Kindle. Students and parents often lose sight of the true goal of education, due to high expectations for grades. "There are times when parents expect too much and grades become the most important aspect of their children's education," said Schaefer.

"My parents are very disappointed if I have an A-, but they are understanding, they just expect me to do better next time and if I don't, then they get mad," said Mittge.

Sometimes parents push in the wrong areas. "I see a lot of cases where parents push their kids in athletics, when they should really be pushing them in academics," said Kindle. Sometimes parents try to live a rewarding athletic career through their children. According to University of Washington psychologist Ronald Smith, this is where the real danger lies. Parents begin to expect too much out of their children, because all they can see is results, not what actually goes into the preparation or how hard the child is trying.

"Parents that push are your biggest fans, they tell you what you did well, and what you could do better so next time you can perform at a higher level," said Oscar.

"A good parenting lesson is be there, be supportive, but let your kid learn a difficult lesson on their own no matter how hard it is," said Daniels.